Learning How to Communicate Saved My Marriage
I’ve been married now for almost fifteen years. I can now say that I’m “happily married,” but it wasn’t that long ago that things had gotten so strained between me and my husband that I was sure we were headed for divorce. It wasn’t that we’d stopped loving each other, really, but you certainly couldn’t say our marriage was a happy one.
Between the demands of my job, my husband’s long work hours and then our three kids with all of their needs, it seemed like there was no time left over to even think about how my husband and I were progressively becoming strangers to one another. Actually, strangers isn’t quite it, because strangers don’t usually fight with one another…it seemed that whenever my husband and I did talk to one another it immediately turned into an argument, like we’d both been storing up so many resentments and hurt feelings that we just couldn’t help but lash out at each other.
Last year my New Year’s resolution was to figure out, once and for all, how to either restore a good, warm and loving relationship with my husband—or to seek a divorce and save all of us the pain of continuing to live in a family that was coming apart at the seams. It was actually my husband’s idea to get professional help, to see a therapist together, and it’s made all the difference in the world. We’ve learned how to make time for each other and to effectively and thoughtfully express our feelings and needs to one another. Now, if we argue (and we still do argue!) it’s constructive and doesn’t go on for days and weeks! With big thanks to the wonderful and supportive help we receive from therapy, my husband and me and our kids have the kind of family we’re all very proud to be a part of.
Between the demands of my job, my husband’s long work hours and then our three kids with all of their needs, it seemed like there was no time left over to even think about how my husband and I were progressively becoming strangers to one another. Actually, strangers isn’t quite it, because strangers don’t usually fight with one another…it seemed that whenever my husband and I did talk to one another it immediately turned into an argument, like we’d both been storing up so many resentments and hurt feelings that we just couldn’t help but lash out at each other.
Last year my New Year’s resolution was to figure out, once and for all, how to either restore a good, warm and loving relationship with my husband—or to seek a divorce and save all of us the pain of continuing to live in a family that was coming apart at the seams. It was actually my husband’s idea to get professional help, to see a therapist together, and it’s made all the difference in the world. We’ve learned how to make time for each other and to effectively and thoughtfully express our feelings and needs to one another. Now, if we argue (and we still do argue!) it’s constructive and doesn’t go on for days and weeks! With big thanks to the wonderful and supportive help we receive from therapy, my husband and me and our kids have the kind of family we’re all very proud to be a part of.
