There’s a fairly simple explanation for all social anxiety. It’s caused by the unfortunate mental habit of “mind reading.” That is, we imagine what other people are thinking about us. “Do I look good?” “Do I sound intelligent?” Our unstated mission is “I must make them feel good about me!”

To get over social anxiety, you need to change your mission. Don’t try to make them feel good about you. Make them feel good about themselves.

When I meet a new person, I try to show genuine interest in them. I ask general interest questions such as “Where are from originally?” “What kind of work to you do?” Most people like talking about themselves and appreciate the opportunity to do so. I also find that most people are pretty interesting when I take the time to get to know them.

If I focus on myself, I feel anxious. However, when I focus on the other person, I’m much more relaxed.

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