Observing the Negative and Participating in the Positive
We will dispense with our normal routine of an introduction and launch into this very important topic and its implications. If you didn’t know that the idea of “Observing the Negative and Participating in the Positive” is crucial to your functioning, your happiness, your whole life; well then, consider yourself clued in!
Obviously there is the up and the down, the good and the bad in life as we experience and perceive it. It is what we do with the positive and the negative times that makes the difference. I almost called this
newsletter “How to Make Lemonade” from the well known adage, “When life gives you lemons make lemonade.”
Two Ways to Learn
There are basically two ways to learn: by experiencing something, and by observing something. Consider the example of three year-old twins who are both curious. One twin touches a hot stove, burns his hand and begins to cry. The other twin observes this and takes it in. Both have now learned the lesson of not touching a hot stove but only one has a burnt hand and is crying. Therefore it becomes clear that when something is negative it is better to learn by observing and not participating in this, let us say negative line of study.
Participating in the Negative
Now you may say, “Sure it makes sense to not to follow others folly and experience pain but what about the bad things that happen to me directly?” Glad you asked! Have you ever noticed (again, noticing is learning) that different people react to adversity in different ways? Some react with hysteria, others act with equanimity. In working with some of my patients we have dubbed this fully participating in negativity as “Going to Town” as in, “Well you really went to town on that one!” When in a bad situation while it may be more painful to participate in it, it is far easier to participate then to observe. It can be hard work to not allow fear to overwhelm us; it is easier to get lost then it is to stand fast.
There are many who participate so fully in the negative that they become lost and trapped in their negativity. These include different types of people such as depressives who become hopeless, masochists, those who are hurt by the most benign actions that they are victims who victimize all around them, those who take no responsibility for their own pain and live through others like their children and those who self hate. Those lost in the negative lack the ability to observe self; their perception sees only the bad. The glass is either half empty or broken but never half full.
Observing the Negative and Taking Action
One observes the negativity as best one can in order to make the best possible decisions and take action. I will use my very good friend Jerry as an example. Recently Jerry felt a certain discomfort in his lower abdomen. Now most people and I myself have been guilty of this, will feel something negative in their body and ignore it, put it away or even make it unconscious. Jerry observed what was going on and promptly went to a doctor who found nothing.
Jerry knew this wasn’t right, persisted and went to a urologist who found a hernia and scheduled an operation. Jerry was quite happy, actually almost giddy with this result because the hernia could have turned into something much more serious and he knew that he promoted himself to the highest degree. Now here is my pitch, to learn to observe, to learn to act as opposed to react one must learn to be in relaxed states and one must learn to meditate.
Participating in the Positive
Participating in the positive means observing a sunset and feeling its magnificence. It means to actively play and to be playful. It means grabbing life with both hands which is exactly what I suggest you do!
Frank Nichols, LCSW, is a Social Worker, Speaker and Consultant who in addition to individual and couples counseling combines psychotherapy with meditative practices.
Click Here to learn more about Frank Nichols, LCSW
Obviously there is the up and the down, the good and the bad in life as we experience and perceive it. It is what we do with the positive and the negative times that makes the difference. I almost called this
newsletter “How to Make Lemonade” from the well known adage, “When life gives you lemons make lemonade.”
Two Ways to Learn
There are basically two ways to learn: by experiencing something, and by observing something. Consider the example of three year-old twins who are both curious. One twin touches a hot stove, burns his hand and begins to cry. The other twin observes this and takes it in. Both have now learned the lesson of not touching a hot stove but only one has a burnt hand and is crying. Therefore it becomes clear that when something is negative it is better to learn by observing and not participating in this, let us say negative line of study.
Participating in the Negative
Now you may say, “Sure it makes sense to not to follow others folly and experience pain but what about the bad things that happen to me directly?” Glad you asked! Have you ever noticed (again, noticing is learning) that different people react to adversity in different ways? Some react with hysteria, others act with equanimity. In working with some of my patients we have dubbed this fully participating in negativity as “Going to Town” as in, “Well you really went to town on that one!” When in a bad situation while it may be more painful to participate in it, it is far easier to participate then to observe. It can be hard work to not allow fear to overwhelm us; it is easier to get lost then it is to stand fast.
There are many who participate so fully in the negative that they become lost and trapped in their negativity. These include different types of people such as depressives who become hopeless, masochists, those who are hurt by the most benign actions that they are victims who victimize all around them, those who take no responsibility for their own pain and live through others like their children and those who self hate. Those lost in the negative lack the ability to observe self; their perception sees only the bad. The glass is either half empty or broken but never half full.
Observing the Negative and Taking Action
One observes the negativity as best one can in order to make the best possible decisions and take action. I will use my very good friend Jerry as an example. Recently Jerry felt a certain discomfort in his lower abdomen. Now most people and I myself have been guilty of this, will feel something negative in their body and ignore it, put it away or even make it unconscious. Jerry observed what was going on and promptly went to a doctor who found nothing.
Jerry knew this wasn’t right, persisted and went to a urologist who found a hernia and scheduled an operation. Jerry was quite happy, actually almost giddy with this result because the hernia could have turned into something much more serious and he knew that he promoted himself to the highest degree. Now here is my pitch, to learn to observe, to learn to act as opposed to react one must learn to be in relaxed states and one must learn to meditate.
Participating in the Positive
Participating in the positive means observing a sunset and feeling its magnificence. It means to actively play and to be playful. It means grabbing life with both hands which is exactly what I suggest you do!
Frank Nichols, LCSW, is a Social Worker, Speaker and Consultant who in addition to individual and couples counseling combines psychotherapy with meditative practices.
Click Here to learn more about Frank Nichols, LCSW
