Teen Dreams
Pretend you are 16 again. What did you do every day? Every summer? Did you have a carefree beach roaming adventure or did you go to a programmed summer camp of competitive sports? It doesn’t matter. You see, you had something to do. Why is this most basic of human needs so elusive that it causes paralyzing depression in young people? I’ll tell you why.
Because motivation is an inherited trait; you either have it or you don’t. Now I’m not talking about you have a bad day at the office and you want to check out for the afternoon. The expectation that every day is going to be perfect is at best far-fetched. However, what if you’re 16 and every single day of your life feels like that? Oh, wait, that’s called clinical depression. The kind where you can’t get out of bed for six months. This might require professional help. So now we’re left with the kids who simply have no interests what-so-ever. This is a very bad thing. It means they are listless, out on the streets, and worst of all, underwhelmed.
In my private practice I have seen dozens of kids with the “ennui problem.” I have tried standing on my head to inspire them (which is not easy because I myself have very low energy). Here are some of the brilliant ideas I have had for them over the years:
Bowling, gymnastics, rock climbing, reading, writing poetry, star-gazing, building web-sites, cooking, walking dogs going to museums, walking around, volunteering, speaking with old people, collecting coins, babysitting, recycling and going to the gym.
On the surface these don’t seem too terribly complicated. So what gets in the way of a teenager waking up and doing one of them? If you are a dynamic kid from a dynamic family, it’s not an issue. You have probably been to every class imaginable and continued your upwardly mobile trajectory toward college and beyond. But if you are socially awkward, learning disabled, come from a broken home, and have scary siblings, all bets are off. Still, I know lots of socially awkward, learning disabled, broken-home kids who at least play video games. (Video games don’t count – and here’s why: they’re too violent. That’s right, if you’ve been under a rock for about 25 years you might have missed this news flash. Otherwise, get away from the screen! Especially you alpha males out there. No good for the testosterone. Makes you angry!).
I had a kid in my practice who spoke in the tongues of video games. While this might be within normal limits of a 13 year old boy’s angst, it is going to impact negatively on every aspect of his life. I told him to limit it to one – two hours a day, down from 4 to 5 hours. His communication style changed markedly.
If your only interest in this life is shopping, we’re also in trouble. This is not acceptable for obvious reasons – especially in “this” economy! Shopping is fun, yes, but can you really sustain it financially or otherwise every day of your life?? What do you learn at the Mall anyway? Don’t answer that.
So, your depression is treated and you still can’t figure out why you are so bored. I know! Sleep. Of course the number one culprit is too much or too little sleep. I have interviewed hundreds of teens who tell me that they come home from school and take a nap from 3 p.m.-7 p.m., have dinner, do their homework ‘til 2 a.m. and then have trouble with their morning mood, and getting up for school. Duh!!! Think again, DO NOT NAP!!!!! Now I am not a doctor but play one enough on TV to know that sleeping too much or too little can trigger serious problems for the elastic teenage body and brain. Many books have been written about the inherent, de-facto brain-damage of the adolescent. This is no joke. I had a kid come into my office with panic attacks. After a brief intake I learned he was drinking ten cups of coffee a day! Double duh! Take care of your health!
The depression and the sleep are under control and your family has stopped fighting long enough to give you $20. What do you do now?! You STILL can’t get out? What’s it gonna take?!?! See this is really hard for me because I have always been one of those goal-oriented, type A people who have things to do. In fact, I maintain that I have never been bored in my life. Please, please tell me why you can’t take a walk if you are an overweight teen? Is it the suburbs? Here’s ten more things you could try:
Running, hiking, fashion designing, vocabulary expanding, playing chess, reading, painting, building models, designing jewelry, taking apart a computer, making music.
Let’s get back to the ‘burbs. I have heard teenagers tell me that small-town life is crushing their initiative and I believe it. Guess what? The joke’s on us! We raise our kids in these affluent suburbs thinking we’re giving them THE BEST, and what we’re giving them is an opportunity to sleep with the boy they shared a mat with in pre-school. That’s right. The entire social world rotates around the cliques that got formed somewhere around 4th grade. You think I’m kidding? Just come on over to any high school and ask the guidance counselors the number one problem. It’s drinking out of boredom and social ostracism. I just made that up, but trust me, in my little suburb it’s all too obvious. Take your kids to the big city, pronto! Show them there’s a world out there. It’s never too late! Can they join a youth group, theater group or sports club that includes kids from other towns? Let’s branch out a little. (It might be
good for you too!).
You say you don’t have the money to branch out? Well that’s too bad. Lots of poor kids make use of the cities on a meager allowance, so don’t give me that. You had money to get your nails done so you must have money to ride a train once in a while. You know priorities are a serious thing to waste. Maybe your teen does need therapy. Maybe it’s worth the money. Maybe the kid will be inspired by someone! Oh right, teachers are supposed to do this, aren’t they? Well not if you’re one of these stuck-in-the mud kids who have ADHD and no one can stand being around you for more than 20 minutes. You’re on your own. I don’t mean that school personnel aren’t helpful, they’re wonderful. But there’s always going to be the kid that falls between the cracks, or worse, becomes a criminal. I saw a kid from his parents’ bad break-up for three years. Then he lit a building on fire. Too bad he didn’t have an interest or he wouldn’t be in jail now. An interest can save your life!
Not academically inclined? That’s okay. Not everyone has to be a rocket scientist. I know an 18 year-old whose parents were willing to pay her through all of college, if she would just go. She claimed she wasn’t interested in ANYTHING there. UGH! Get a tutor or a therapist or a specialized school. But don’t give up and go shopping. There are enough people at the mall already. You can learn a trade. I know it’s not easy. When I was a kid I never knew you could study to be a vet or a car mechanic or a hair stylist or one of those off-beat things. You can!! You can get a job!! Work with others of the human species and learn what it is to clock in like the rest of us!! Have money in your pocket for pizza!! Why can’t you get a job? Well yeah, the economy. I know. I once printed out every Starbucks in a 50 mile radius for a kid who wanted to apply. You gotta apply yourself!
One last thing about boredom. It’s boring. It makes you anxious, depressed and a little pasty. You know what I mean, that skin pallor of never leaving the house. Here’s ten more things:
Take a drive, meet a friend, paint your room, study hieroglyphics, pray, meditate, do jumping jacks, conduct a séance, work for world peace, go on a hunger strike, clean the car...but by all means, don’t just sit there!
Click Here to learn more about Donna C. Moss
Because motivation is an inherited trait; you either have it or you don’t. Now I’m not talking about you have a bad day at the office and you want to check out for the afternoon. The expectation that every day is going to be perfect is at best far-fetched. However, what if you’re 16 and every single day of your life feels like that? Oh, wait, that’s called clinical depression. The kind where you can’t get out of bed for six months. This might require professional help. So now we’re left with the kids who simply have no interests what-so-ever. This is a very bad thing. It means they are listless, out on the streets, and worst of all, underwhelmed.
In my private practice I have seen dozens of kids with the “ennui problem.” I have tried standing on my head to inspire them (which is not easy because I myself have very low energy). Here are some of the brilliant ideas I have had for them over the years:
Bowling, gymnastics, rock climbing, reading, writing poetry, star-gazing, building web-sites, cooking, walking dogs going to museums, walking around, volunteering, speaking with old people, collecting coins, babysitting, recycling and going to the gym.
On the surface these don’t seem too terribly complicated. So what gets in the way of a teenager waking up and doing one of them? If you are a dynamic kid from a dynamic family, it’s not an issue. You have probably been to every class imaginable and continued your upwardly mobile trajectory toward college and beyond. But if you are socially awkward, learning disabled, come from a broken home, and have scary siblings, all bets are off. Still, I know lots of socially awkward, learning disabled, broken-home kids who at least play video games. (Video games don’t count – and here’s why: they’re too violent. That’s right, if you’ve been under a rock for about 25 years you might have missed this news flash. Otherwise, get away from the screen! Especially you alpha males out there. No good for the testosterone. Makes you angry!).
I had a kid in my practice who spoke in the tongues of video games. While this might be within normal limits of a 13 year old boy’s angst, it is going to impact negatively on every aspect of his life. I told him to limit it to one – two hours a day, down from 4 to 5 hours. His communication style changed markedly.
If your only interest in this life is shopping, we’re also in trouble. This is not acceptable for obvious reasons – especially in “this” economy! Shopping is fun, yes, but can you really sustain it financially or otherwise every day of your life?? What do you learn at the Mall anyway? Don’t answer that.
So, your depression is treated and you still can’t figure out why you are so bored. I know! Sleep. Of course the number one culprit is too much or too little sleep. I have interviewed hundreds of teens who tell me that they come home from school and take a nap from 3 p.m.-7 p.m., have dinner, do their homework ‘til 2 a.m. and then have trouble with their morning mood, and getting up for school. Duh!!! Think again, DO NOT NAP!!!!! Now I am not a doctor but play one enough on TV to know that sleeping too much or too little can trigger serious problems for the elastic teenage body and brain. Many books have been written about the inherent, de-facto brain-damage of the adolescent. This is no joke. I had a kid come into my office with panic attacks. After a brief intake I learned he was drinking ten cups of coffee a day! Double duh! Take care of your health!
The depression and the sleep are under control and your family has stopped fighting long enough to give you $20. What do you do now?! You STILL can’t get out? What’s it gonna take?!?! See this is really hard for me because I have always been one of those goal-oriented, type A people who have things to do. In fact, I maintain that I have never been bored in my life. Please, please tell me why you can’t take a walk if you are an overweight teen? Is it the suburbs? Here’s ten more things you could try:
Running, hiking, fashion designing, vocabulary expanding, playing chess, reading, painting, building models, designing jewelry, taking apart a computer, making music.
Let’s get back to the ‘burbs. I have heard teenagers tell me that small-town life is crushing their initiative and I believe it. Guess what? The joke’s on us! We raise our kids in these affluent suburbs thinking we’re giving them THE BEST, and what we’re giving them is an opportunity to sleep with the boy they shared a mat with in pre-school. That’s right. The entire social world rotates around the cliques that got formed somewhere around 4th grade. You think I’m kidding? Just come on over to any high school and ask the guidance counselors the number one problem. It’s drinking out of boredom and social ostracism. I just made that up, but trust me, in my little suburb it’s all too obvious. Take your kids to the big city, pronto! Show them there’s a world out there. It’s never too late! Can they join a youth group, theater group or sports club that includes kids from other towns? Let’s branch out a little. (It might be
good for you too!).
You say you don’t have the money to branch out? Well that’s too bad. Lots of poor kids make use of the cities on a meager allowance, so don’t give me that. You had money to get your nails done so you must have money to ride a train once in a while. You know priorities are a serious thing to waste. Maybe your teen does need therapy. Maybe it’s worth the money. Maybe the kid will be inspired by someone! Oh right, teachers are supposed to do this, aren’t they? Well not if you’re one of these stuck-in-the mud kids who have ADHD and no one can stand being around you for more than 20 minutes. You’re on your own. I don’t mean that school personnel aren’t helpful, they’re wonderful. But there’s always going to be the kid that falls between the cracks, or worse, becomes a criminal. I saw a kid from his parents’ bad break-up for three years. Then he lit a building on fire. Too bad he didn’t have an interest or he wouldn’t be in jail now. An interest can save your life!
Not academically inclined? That’s okay. Not everyone has to be a rocket scientist. I know an 18 year-old whose parents were willing to pay her through all of college, if she would just go. She claimed she wasn’t interested in ANYTHING there. UGH! Get a tutor or a therapist or a specialized school. But don’t give up and go shopping. There are enough people at the mall already. You can learn a trade. I know it’s not easy. When I was a kid I never knew you could study to be a vet or a car mechanic or a hair stylist or one of those off-beat things. You can!! You can get a job!! Work with others of the human species and learn what it is to clock in like the rest of us!! Have money in your pocket for pizza!! Why can’t you get a job? Well yeah, the economy. I know. I once printed out every Starbucks in a 50 mile radius for a kid who wanted to apply. You gotta apply yourself!
One last thing about boredom. It’s boring. It makes you anxious, depressed and a little pasty. You know what I mean, that skin pallor of never leaving the house. Here’s ten more things:
Take a drive, meet a friend, paint your room, study hieroglyphics, pray, meditate, do jumping jacks, conduct a séance, work for world peace, go on a hunger strike, clean the car...but by all means, don’t just sit there!
Click Here to learn more about Donna C. Moss
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