Are you currently locked in a dispute with your husband or wife? Here’s a guaranteed way to lose the argument.

First, assemble all the facts and logic that show that you are right and your spouse is wrong. Next, present your spouse with your brilliantly outlined facts and logic. If your initial arguments don’t work, keep stating them over and over.

If you believe you can win the argument, you haven’t been married very long. Following this advice, you will remain deadlocked, the argument will escalate, and neither of you will be happy. In other words, you’ll lose!

Your spouse is like everyone else. Attack his/her opinion, and he/she is likely to defend it. The “rightness” of your position doesn’t matter.

The key is to quit trying to win. Instead, try to genuinely understand and affirm your spouse’s opinions and feelings. If he/she sees flaws in your argument, acknowledge those flaws. If he/she has some valid points, acknowledge those points without reservation.

Admit that you don’t have a monopoly on truth. Maybe this will end the deadlock. In other words, you’ll win!

About Stanley E. Hibbs...

Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D., is a therapist based in Dunwoody, GA, specializing in organizational/life management, performance enhancement, addiction issues, adolescent issues, marriage/couples issues, depression, phobias, and more.
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