Life Topics

 
 

Helping a Friend Who's Mourning the Loss of a Loved One


When someone you care about is mourning the loss of a loved one, you want to be of help, but may not always know what to do.

Suggestions of things you can do to provide sensitivity and support during someone’s grieving process include:
  • Be available—and patient. Offer your support unobtrusively, while also making it very clear you’re there to help in whatever ways you’re most needed.


  • Listen. In a recent PBS series on death and grieving, the panel members who recently had someone close to them die described how crucial it had been throughout their grieving process to feel connected with people whom they cared about and to be seen and heard without being judged.


  • Allow the person to express their feelings, including anger and bitterness, as they make their way through the grieving process.


  • Don’t force the individual to reveal feelings he or she is not able or ready to share.


  • Be understanding without claiming to “know” what the other person is feeling.


  • Refrain from telling stories of your own past loss(es), since this can sometimes have the effect of dismissing the grieving person’s present pain.


  • Physical and emotional touch can bring great comfort. Whenever it seems appropriate, give a hug or extend a handclasp.


  • Throughout the year, remember birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays that have important meaning for the bereaved and offer your renewed support during those times.


  • Let them know you continue to be there for them, even when other friends and family have gone back to their routines or are keeping their distance because they’re unsure of what to say or do.


  • Support the grieving person’s decision to seek professional therapeutic help. Offer to assist them in identifying a good therapist, and, if it’s needed or feels appropriate, assist with transportation and/or accompanying them to their first therapy visits.

Just as there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is no right or wrong way to help someone you care about who’s grieving as long as you remain present, patient and extend unconditional support.