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Recession Survival for Couples
By: Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.
As the recession continues, many couples are struggling. In my office, I see partners fight about how to spend or save; criticize and blame their partners for financial woes; and retreat from each other in silence or anger. What is going on?
• With less money, more seems at stake. Different attitudes toward money matter less in flush times; if your partner overspends, the consequences are manageable. But when financial security evaporates, differences become more threatening. In tough times, when you want to control things as best you can, it’s scary if your partner won’t behave according to your standards.
• As people worry more about the future, and face economic and job uncertainty, anxiety and depression are up, and self-esteem is down. When your mood is bad and you don’t feel good about yourself, you are more likely to withdraw and have a short fuse with your partner.
• As stress increases, sex decreases. Less sex can exacerbate tension already present in the relationship due to the recession, making sex even less likely. Many clients tell me that they are having less sex because they are distracted or worried or mad at their partner. As a result, distance and unhappiness snowball. And because sex is already a vulnerable area for many couples, more trouble in this area is especially dangerous.
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Now here’s the good news:
Difficult circumstances give you an opportunity to grow.
If you are blaming your partner, shaming your partner, criticizing your partner, withdrawing from your partner, or expecting your partner to fix things, ask yourself this question: What would it mean for me to do my best in this relationship at this difficult time?
Simply put, when you do your best, your relationship will improve. And when you both do your best, your relationship will improve even more.
• Finding ways to decrease your anxiety and reduce your depression will help.
• Staying connected rather than pulling away from your partner will help.
• And tolerating your partner’s different ways of doing things will help you both find ways to improve the situation, even if it’s not exactly the way you would do it yourself.
Doing your best in your relationship will not only help your relationship thrive: It can give you a sense of purpose and accomplishment, improve your mood, and increase your self-esteem. All of these are useful goals to reach toward in this tough time.
Click Here to learn more about Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D.
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