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Seven Steps To Your New Life After That Divorce
By: Claire Arene, MSW, LCSW
Divorce can sometimes involve as much pain as the grief of losing a loved one. If this describes your experience, here are some tips on ways to speed up your healing.
First things first, forgive yourself. It is hard to rebuild your life if you are unable to move past the mistakes you made, if any, that may have contributed to or resulted in the divorce. Forgiving yourself may mean getting past the blame game, giving up your right to be angry with your ex-spouse for the mistakes or blatant wrongs committed against you - and simply deciding to focus on the rest of your life that is ahead of you.
Nurture yourself like never before. You have been deeply hurt - surround yourself with every comfort that you can truly afford. Exercise, invest in a different look that you have always desired, and take that long awaited vacation.
Surround yourself with the love of caring friends. This, more than ever before, is the time to pick your friends and companions carefully. You want friends who will help speed up the healing process - listen to you, but also gently encourage you to engage in rebuilding your life instead of staying stuck on the past.
You want to pamper yourself and do what you can to increase your feeling of well-being.
Acknowledge the vacuum which has been created by the loss of your marriage or relationship. Trying to pretend it does not exist will not work. Granted, there may not be a vacuum if the relationship was over long before it actually ended, or if you are happy it is over. However, if these statements do not apply to you take stock of what you now miss that you once had. Acknowledging the vacuum helps you grieve completely and speeds up the healing process. Now that you have faced the facts of your current state, you have the challenge of working to fill up the vacuum in your life; having positive challenges to focus on can be very healthy when you have suffered a loss.
Whatever you do, do not rush into another relationship. Healing takes time. Pretending that you have met someone else and that you do not need time to process and heal from the hurt of being rejected, the loss of romantic feelings, the anger of betrayal, or the violence of the relationship you just ended does not work. Unresolved emotional turmoil will simply rise up and consume any relationship you venture into hastily.
Find a creative outlet, a new passion. Outside of your usual work, you can speed up your healing by tapping into your creative side, an under-utilized talent, or finally working on that big idea you have left dormant for ages. Doing this will likely prove to be a great confidence booster with great results.
Remember that there is a place for faith. It might seem like you have heard this so many times and that nothing right this moment appears to be moving in the direction of getting better, but it will – it is only a matter of time and a little effort on your part.
Finally, there is always the option of individual or group therapy, if you are alone and do not have a support system.
With a practice in Buffalo Grove, Illinois, Claire has a background in social work with extensive experience in crisis management and resource linkage. Click Here to learn more about Claire Arene, MSW, LCSW.
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