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Turn the Great Wheel Of Change
By: Jonathan Goodman-Herrick, CSW
There is only one place where we can dependably turn around a primary relationship. It is not in our partner. It is not in our relationship as a whole. Even our character and behavior are not the place to begin. The only place to dependably turn a relationship around is in our own heart.
If our efforts are rooted there, then the work we do with our partner and with our own character and behavior will be gentle and respectful. Then our lover will more likely be responsive and our own efforts to change will more likely take hold. Even if our partner remains stuck, we will be able to honor what needs to be done for ourselves. And since it is impossible to know in advance what change will look like, it is important to let go of preconceived notions about where things will take us. In the account of David and Rebecca, who had lost their daughter, when Rebecca pushed David to have another child, and he pushed against her to drop the idea, they quickly became locked in conflict. However, when each returned to their own hearts, treating the other compassionately, the situation resolved itself, in ways neither ever imagined - with the addition to their family of a beautiful child, more romance, and altogether a richer life. Only in the heart is there room for relationship to turn around.
PRACTICE A MEDITATION FOR OPENING THE HEART
Find a quiet, restful location.
Sit quietly, bringing your attention to the chest and heart region.
Often it helps to close the eyes.
Allow yourself to breathe peacefully for awhile, letting the breath flow.
Feel the physical sensation around the center of your chest.
Whether it feels tight, powerful or vulnerable allow whatever sensations are present just to be there.
As you continue taking your time, breathing peacefully, feel into the softness at the center of the heart area.
Listen to the heart for anything it might have to say.
Without pushing, remain with the sensations, with the breathing, and with any opening of the heart area that is ready to occur.
Jonathan Goodman-Herrick's book THE HEART OF RELATIONSHIP: FIVE ULTIMATE TRUTHS further describes many of his views on couples and their needs.
Click Here to learn more about Jonathan Goodman-Herrick, CSW
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