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Parenting Teenagers Doesn’t Have To Be Tough
By: Kirsten Beutuhin, LMFT
No matter how good your relationship is with your child, it is going to change when your child hits adolescence. A parent can experience a great deal of stress as their teenager begins to face the many challenges and changes that adolescence entails. Teenagers can be moody, critical, argumentative, and absent-minded, but they are also creative, energetic, and passionate about the world and their place in it.
One major change in adolescence is the development of abstract thinking, which is a critical component of problem solving. This helps explain why teenagers start to challenge their parents' judgment and decisions, why they start turning to peers for advice, why they begin to test limits and rules, and why they separate physically and emotionally from their parents and families. The testing of limits by teens is a way of finding out what the adults in their life think, feel, and expect, and to figure out how they are supposed to act, think, create and maintain relationships. During this transition time, parents can end up feeling lost about how to communicate effectively, or how to have a relationship with their teenager.
What can parents do? They can continue to show an interest in their teenager. When your teenager wants to talk, give them your attention and listen. Try not to lecture and instead, allow for negotiation and the give-and-take of opinions. It is necessary for your teenager to feel they have some say in how things are, to feel understood and respected. It is also very important for parents to take an active, sincere interest in their teen’s world, in order to see how their views might differ. When criticism is necessary, make sure it's the behavior and not the person that's being criticized. They may not show it, but teenagers still want your approval and respect. Don't forget to tell them how proud you are of them when they make healthy choices.
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