Respectfully Wield Personal Power

By Jonathan Goodman-Herrick, CSW

To meet the remarkable challenge of being in a couple relationship, it is essential to respectfully wield a significant amount of personal power. Personal power is the strength and self-validation to freely and fully assert, when it is appropriate, our own needs and feelings. It is the capacity to take authority, to lead and to influence, to give voice to ourselves, to speak or act on our own truth.

Changing Your Partner Without Saying A Word – No-Fault

By Jonathan Goodman-Herrick, CSW

When we approach our partner with a no-fault framework, it has an uncanny way of positively turning the tables. Though it is very difficult to do, it changes everything to look at relationship difficulty without laying any blame. No blame towards your partner. No blame towards yourself. No blame even towards your parents.

Do You Really Know How to Communicate?

By Mary Ann Massey, Ed.D.

No doubt, if you're male, your female partners, friends, and/or spouse have accused you of not listening to them well. If you're female, your male partners, friends, and/or spouse have probably asked you to spare them the details and get to the point...All of us can call to mind exchanges that got out of hand--and want to know why!

Couples in Recovery

By Amy Zachary, MSW

When addiction strikes, what happens to a couple? In couples where one partner is using and the other is not, spouses usually develop over-functioning and under-functioning roles. That is, the user under-functions and the non-user over-functions to compensate for their mate.

Achieving a Happy Marriage

By Mary M. Lansing, MFT

Game-playing--e.g., one-upping each other, criticizing, and setting traps--is how many couples connect with each other, even though it’s in a hurtful way. However, even the most seasoned game-players can learn to connect on a more loving level. Couples therapy offers a means to understand how and why the same game gets played again and again, to reinforce the desire to interact differently, and to talk about the game rather than playing it. At that point, positive change can be right around the corner.

The Marriage Between Psychology and Divorce

By Renee A. Cohen, Ph.D.

When spouses decide to end a marriage that includes children, it requires intelligence and compassion to help structure a new existence that protects the integrity and psychological well-being of each family member, young and old. Engaging a psychologist as mediator can provide significant help for everyone as they learn to cope with emotional upheaval and adapt to their newly-altered family structure.

How to Lose an Argument With Your Spouse

By Stanley E. Hibbs, Ph.D.

The key is to quit trying to win. Instead, try to genuinely understand and affirm your spouse’s opinions and feelings. If he/she sees flaws in your argument, acknowledge those flaws. If he/she has some valid points, acknowledge those points without reservation. Admit that you don’t have a monopoly on truth.

Nurture the Friendship in Your Marriage

By Nancy Gump, LMFT

Creating and sustaining friendship and shared meaning are the primary necessities for a strong marital foundation. Inevitably, every relationship has some areas of perpetual conflict. Couples become stronger if they learn to build on their friendship, and to distinguish between their solvable and unsolvable problems.

Turn the Great Wheel Of Change

By Jonathan Goodman-Herrick, CSW

There is only one place where we can dependably turn around a primary relationship. It is not in our partner. It is not in our relationship as a whole. Even our character and behavior are not the place to begin. The only place to dependably turn a relationship around is in our own heart.

Marriage and Laughter

By Deanna Kasten, M.A., LPC

Laughter builds good will, a key ingredient in marriage. Whenever we laugh with someone, we feel positive about that individual; we feel closer. There is a good connection, a union, in that sharing of a comical experience.

Marriage: The Power of Apology

By Stan Hibbs, Ph.D.

What keeps us from apologizing? Pride, self-righteousness, "keeping score," the fear of giving in, the fear of looking weak, the fear of losing face. Yes, we all have these feelings, but why let self-inflicted feelings keep us from doing the right thing?

Tangos Of Debt Accumulation

By Mitchell Milch, LCSW

Every couple dances in complementary ways. Some of these dances are healthier than others, but all, notwithstanding denials and protests to the contrary, are mutually gratifying on some level. When it involves a pattern of debt accumulation, it may look like one partner is the aggressive culprit and the other is the helpless victim--but don’t be so sure. The two "dancers" likely have deeply personal agendas perpetuating their shared tango of debt accumulation.

The Most Important Step to Overcoming Rejection

By Claire Arene, MSW, LCSW

The ability to subvert the harmful, long lasting effects of being rejected depends on your ability to understand the behavior of the individual who rejects, the way you choose to interpret the messages conveyed by rejection, and how you choose to integrate those messages into your sense of self.

Infertility

By Sally Frances, MA, LCSW

Confronting and coping with infertility can introduce a painful set of new feelings into a marital relationship. Suddenly, there can be feelings of shame, helplessness, and rage directed at oneself, one's partner, extended family and friends.

Goal-Directed Therapy: Assertiveness Training for Better Relationships

By Thelma Golub, MFT

If someone is acting or speaking inappropriately to you, do you stand up for yourself and confidently speak your mind? Are you able to express your anger appropriately? Refuse unreasonable requests? Handle arguments effectively? If you answered "no" to even a couple of these questions, you may have difficulty being sufficiently assertive.

Separating

By Mary Ann Massey, Ed.D.

It's never easy to decide to dissolve a marriage. Those who do, know their own reasons and must honor their hearts. Friends and family may not understand or even agree with the decision. For those of you who are in the midst of separation--or teetering at the decision stage--here are some thoughts to ponder.

Couple Therapy for Lesbians and Gay Men: The Basics

By Patti Geier, LCSW

When you and/or your partner notice that you are fighting about the same thing over and over again without reaching a resolution, you may want to seriously consider couple therapy. If you begin to disagree on even the most banal topics and tension underlies every interaction, seeing a professional to help you talk to each other can be a very good idea.

"Honey, I’ll be right in to talk as soon as I put my football gear on..."

By Mitchell Milch, CSW

Someone must be willing to take the lead in changing destructive patterns of relating, and the partner better equipped to do so will often volunteer if life at home is to improve. "Who started it" can’t be all that important if your top priority is to have a mutually satisfying relationship. If you’re taking the lead, here are a few tips to increase the safety and security of the climate in the room so that a constructive dialogue for working out differences can ensue.