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You Can Learn to Manage Your Anger
On November 28, 2004, an automobile in Palo Alto, Calif., had a near-collision with a bicycle. The cyclist was so angry that he pulled out a gun and shot the driver, and then killed the car’s male passenger.
Anger management therapy can help people manage their anger in situations like these. Had the bicyclist undergone anger management training, he might not have acted so rashly and taken another person’s life.
Benefits of Anger Management Therapy
Anger management therapy can help reduce crime rates, decrease domestic violence and abuse toward children and spouses, help people lose weight, and help drug addicts and alcoholics recover from their addictions. It may even help people adjust to society after they leave prison.
Research shows that people who take anger management courses while incarcerated report increased self-esteem and feelings of being more in control, not only of their anger and impulsivity, but also of their lives. Both those qualities reduce their risk for recidivism.
Since negative mental states like anxiety and anger can trigger drug or alcohol abuse, former addicts who undergo anger management courses have fewer relapses. Instead of using food, drugs or alcohol to “push down” angry feelings or avoid conflicts, they learn to manage anger and resolve conflicts without violence or hurt feelings.
Anger May Be a Learned Behavior
Although some people may be born more “hotheaded” and impulsive than others, the new thinking among psychologists is that people learn angry responses. Research shows that children who have abusive parents who yell, scream and hit them are more likely to show anger and aggression in their own relationships.
Many experts also link anger and aggression to too much exposure to violent media, which not only can desensitize people to violence but can also make them prefer to watch it. Some studies indicate that excessive anger is related to poor self-esteem and a feeling of not having control over one’s life.
Forty years ago, some psychologists thought it was a bad thing to suppress anger. The new thinking is that it is dangerous not to control anger. Since tantrums and raging are learned behaviors, people can unlearn them through anger management training.
What is Anger Management Training?
Anger management training has several parts. First, you have to make a commitment to control your anger. People usually sign written contracts to that effect in anger management classes. Second, you have to learn to recognize the physical feelings of an angry state. Those feelings can include rising blood pressure, the impulse to strike out or strike back, a flushed face and angry expression.
Third, once you recognize that you are “losing it,” you have to train yourself to think clearly, or use what psychologists call “cognitive” techniques. The simplest technique is to remove yourself from the situation until you cool down. If this is impossible, you can use a “thought stopping” technique. That involves stopping your angry thoughts by repeating a calming phrase, such as “let it go” or “cool down.” Keep doing this until you feel more physically relaxed. Try to keep track of your physical feelings of anger as they subside. In anger management classes, students actually use monitors connected to their bodies to watch physical changes.
Students in anger management classes also learn “anger empathy,” which is looking at the situation from the point of view of the person who is upsetting you. Are you projecting hostile intentions on that person, in the same way that the cyclist believed that the automobile driver was deliberately trying to harm him? Can you look at the situation differently? Think about the good qualities of the person involved, and whether you are partly to blame for the incident. Ask yourself what you can learn from your mistakes. Another technique is to examine your original expectations of the incident: were they realistic? Anger is often a reaction to unfulfilled expectations.
The fourth and final step in anger management is to let go of any resentment you have after the incident is over. Repeatedly reviewing the incident in your mind will only make you depressed. Try writing a letter to the person involved, even if it’s a letter you never send. Or try talking to an empty chair as if the person involved were sitting in it.
Don’t let go of resentment and anger to help the others involved – do it for yourself. Once you learn to manage your anger, you will be the one who benefits most.
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