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Helping Your Kids Say "No" to Marijuana—Even If You Didn’t
It happens when you least expect it. You’re driving your child home after school one afternoon and asking about her day when she abruptly asks, "Mom, did you ever use marijuana when you were a kid?" Or, you’re standing in line waiting to buy movie tickets and your teenage son turns to you and loudly says (much too loudly, you think) "Dad, didn’t you smoke pot when you were my age?"
These are the kinds of questions many parents hope to avoid (especially parents who are considered "baby boomers" and who also once fell into the category of "flower children")—and find difficult to answer honestly. When your child asks about your past, the best response is honesty. To do otherwise risks losing important credibility.
If your child asks whether you ever used marijuana and your honest answer is "yes," you don’t have to provide a graphically detailed account of how you spent your entire high school and/or college years. You know your child--try to determine just what’s appropriate to share and then ask a few brief questions about what sparked their question. Use your child’s curiosity about your personal history as an opportunity to talk about questions and concerns they may be having about marijuana, as well as the use and abuse of other drugs and substances. Whether your answer is a "yes" or a "no," recognize they’ve just opened the door for a talk about drugs that they’re especially receptive to hearing.
What if your child thinks that if you once used marijuana and you’ve survived just fine, it’s okay for her to try marijuana, too?
The times they are a changin’—today’s marijuana is not the ditchweed of the 1960s. Marijuana now is much more potent than it was a generation ago. And, thanks to new and continual research, much more is known about the real risks of marijuana use—all the more risky when kids use it during the years their bodies and minds are developing.
We want the best for our kids—and sometimes knowing what’s best is learned the hard way. Sharing personal regrets about marijuana use can provide a more convincing argument for "just saying no to drugs" than any generic lecture. Parents can also draw on real-life examples of friends who had trouble as a result of marijuana use, such as a friend who used marijuana for years and subsequently dropped out of school, a fellow student with real potential who failed to get a scholarship, or the kid from your old neighborhood who caused a disastrous car crash while high.
Afraid of sounding hypocritical?
"Do as I say, not as I do" has never been a good method of parenting. When responding to questions about your own history of using marijuana, tactfully emphasize that the discussion is about the child’s future and not a "re-hash" of your past. Emphatically and lovingly emphasize that even if you made mistakes in the past, you want to spare your child the dangers and pitfalls of repeating them.
Studies consistently show that parents are the single most powerful influence on their children’s decisions about drug use—and that parents who are involved and talk to their kids about drugs are more likely to keep their kids away from drugs. Take advantage of any and all opportunities to talk to your kids about how they can self-confidently and knowledgably make good choices.
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