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MoneyMasks™
By: Judith Gruber, LCSW, CCET
Early in life we created our masks as a protection against being hurt and rejected by our parents or others who cared for us. If we expressed our spontaneous negative feelings, we were considered bad or might have been humiliated. As adults, the mask becomes a way in which we can unconsciously manipulate the pain we have felt; thus, we have a means to control others and ourselves. With our masks, we can also blame others and not take responsibility for what we have created.
The mask is one part of the personality that we artificially identify with and show the world on an unconscious level. The mask is who we think we should be or wish we could be, how we want others to perceive us, and is based on our idealized self-image. It can manifest in our personalities as power and control, denial, superiority, even love.
In the moment, a mask can preserve our fragile egos and continue to keep us separate from another part of our personality, known as the lower self. The lower self is the destructive part of us that creates negative situations. It manifests in our faults and doesn't want to pay the price for what we want. It also has vibrant energy and a creative life force. In addition, the mask and lower self is a distortion of the higher self, the core part of our beings which is pure, creates joy, love and fulfillment in our lives. We manipulate our masks to cover our vulnerability in whatever way works for us.
When we wear the "Power MoneyMask™" we want to feel in control, be independent and do everything in our power not to feel our need for love and caring from others. For example, when we wear this mask, we might go out with several friends and pick up the check in order to project success and abundance. We do this in order to gain their approval on an unconscious level. We might cringe while picking up the tab because we don't have the money to pay for it; albeit you might have a high-paying job, our need for immediate gratification to feel powerful is stronger than our unconscious feelings of low self-esteem. The etiology of this type of MoneyMask™ä might originate from our experience of feeling helpless due to our not receiving the nurturance and admiration from our parents, both as a child and even as an adult. Consequently, we will be more invested in our need to feel powerful and in control so we don't feel the pain of our original wound.
When we wear a "Love MoneyMask™" we take care of others, as a "good girl" or "good boy" would do, and think about them before our own needs. We spend our last dollar on them, or use our time to fulfill their needs, in the hope we will receive the love we desperately long for. We come from a needy place and become submissive in order to manipulate others into giving us what we want. And if we don't receive what we want we might even do more for them, continually hoping that they will finally come through for us. Consequently, the Love MoneyMasker's repressed anger and resentment begins to fester. Not until we have experienced enough pain will we be willing explore it and break this negative vicious cycle.
When we wear the "Spiritual MoneyMask™" we believe that our values and morals are better than others. We feel superior and have contempt for those who have money. As a Spiritual MoneyMasker, we may believe that money is bad or dirty, which represents our rebellion towards "authority." Consequently, we are invested in undermining others and under-earning in our work. We live in a duality and believe that we cannot be spiritual and have money. We blame society for our problems and are unwilling to look at our own attitudes. We are scared of being rejected and feeling worthless. Unconsciously, we long for approval and want to be seen for our uniqueness.
We can wear any type of MoneyMask™ that reflects the emotion which covers the pain we're afraid to feel. As we continue to wear these masks, they become so familiar that it's often difficult to distinguish between our real and false selves. These masks serve as a means for us to survive in a world which we perceive to be unsafe. When we wear our masks they affect all levels of our being: the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. They can create depression, anxiety, and other somatic illnesses. Most importantly, our MoneyMasks™ feed off and deplete our life force, leaving us with a sense of low self-esteem and separating us from our real selves.
As we take responsibility and begin to explore the origin of our childhood wounds, we can transform our masks to take on the positive qualities that were there before we chose to distort them. It takes patience, courage and self-acceptance to delve into your mask. It takes humility and a willingness to want a more fulfilled life. And through this commitment, we will begin to experience our real self, the self that is free and connected to our natural and spontaneous flow, the place from which we can be our true self. This is self-empowerment.
Click Here to learn more about Judith Gruber, LCSW, CCET.
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