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How To Discuss War With Your Child…
We've all been living with the uncertainty of military action in Iraq for many months and now we face the challenge of explaining the present course of events to our children. The following guidelines and strategies can help as you respond to your child's questions and concerns about war(those that they outwardly express, as well as those that lie silent beneath the surface):
1. Monitor the media for children of all ages and shield young children from news reports whenever possible. When young children are in the room, turn off TV and/or radio coverage of the war—children often think what they see on TV is actually happening here and now. If a young child sees war news coverage, explain that it is a picture on TV and that they are safe.
2. Create an open and supportive environment in which your child knows they can feel comfortable asking you questions. When they do ask questions, begin by asking an open-ended question to determine what they already know and what they are really asking, for example: “What have you heard?” or “What are you worried about?” or “I have been hearing a lot of stuff. I wonder if you have too?” or “You know that you can talk to me anytime you have a question.” Your child’s response(s) will help clarify what their underlying concern is, i.e., “Am I safe?”
3. Give your child honest answers. Children can sense if you are making things up and it may affect their ability to trust your reassurances in the future.
4. Offer simple explanations—and don’t say too much. Thoughtfully use words and concepts your child can understand. Be especially sensitive of your child’s age, language and developmental level, individual personality, their usual tendencies to be fearful or to worry, etc., and gear your explanation accordingly.
5. Some information may be confusing or hard for your child to understand, so be prepared to repeat information and explanations many times. When your child asks the same question(s) over and over it could also indicate their need to gain further reassurance.
6. Acknowledge and validate your child’s thoughts, feelings and reactions. Let them know you think their questions and concerns are both understandable and important.
7. While it’s important to be reassuring, don’t make unrealistic promises. It’s fine to let your child know that they are safe in their house and in their school, but you can’t promise them that no one will get hurt or killed in the future.
8. Children are equipped with keen radar—they learn from watching their parents and teachers and will be especially observant of how you respond to events in the world. They will also notice and learn from changes in your routines such as curtailing business travel or modifying vacation plans. Your child will also learn from listening to your conversations with other adults.
9. Children are reassured by structure, stability and familiarity—help your child maintain a predictable routine and schedule. When times are unsettling, school, sports, birthdays, holidays and group activities all take on added importance for children.
10. Coordinate information between home and school. Your child’s teachers should know about discussions which take place at home, as well as any of your child’s particular fears, concerns, or specific questions that seem to be especially important to them.
Pay close attention to any changes in behavior or anxieties that your child might express or demonstrate—if you begin to sense that they exhibit ongoing distress, don’t hesitate to seek the advice of your child’s pediatrician, school counselor or psychologist, or a mental health professional who specializes in assisting children and families.
Taking Care of Your Child's Emotional Health
Be available for your kid
Don’t dismiss their concerns
Closely monitor what they watch on TV
Diligently check your own emotions around your kids
Maintain your kid's usual routine
Tell them where you can be reached at all times
Look for signs of stress, e.g., anger and irritability
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