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» Life Topics » Grief & Loss » Saying Good-Bye to Loved Ones
Funerals and Memorials: A Part of Recovery
A memorial service and funeral are important elements in the chain of events that occurs after a death. For many, these ceremonies may be difficult because it brings vivid reminders of the loss, resonates with finality, and emphasizes fears of the future. While sadness, tearfulness, and anxiety are common feelings in response to a death, memorials and funerals provide an opportunity to show appreciation for the person, to grieve together, and to take the first steps toward making a new beginning.
Funerals and memorials bring powerful reminders of the deceased person’s place in the family and in the community and serve to underscore how they are remembered and that they've left a legacy of family, friends and associates. Family and community leaders should not be afraid to show their feelings through expressions of emotion and providing comfort to others--and they shouldn’t worry about how to act or what to say, rather they should just be themselves and speak from their hearts.
Those who are asked to officiate or speak at funerals and memorials are likely to fear faltering or failing to say the right words. Often, there are no right words; the human presence speaks for itself. Sometimes presence is all we have to offer, but presence is powerful. Pictures and remembrances from the person's life and favorite objects may be displayed at funerals and memorials--they are powerful symbols. Family, friends, or co-workers may provide details of the person's history, the last time they were together, or their favorite memory.
When due to violent death, remains are seldom viewable. Saying goodbye may be more difficult for many in this setting and the presence of pictures and remembrances may be particularly important. Families may request an object from the location where the person died as a remembrance.
The many differences within and between faiths on how funerals and memorials are conducted need to be recognized and respected. If the attendee is not familiar with the type of service being conducted or different ways of expressing grief, it is wise to inquire beforehand what to expect. It can also be helpful to ask the person who conducts the ceremony to give an explanation of the ceremony for others who are not familiar with that faith or its rituals.
Reference: Center for Traumatic Stress, Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences School of Medicine, Bethesda. MD, in collaboration with the American Psychiatric Association Committee on the Psychiatric Dimensions of Disaster
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