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Helping Someone Who's Seriously Ill
By: Jim Weinstein, MBA, MFT
Dealing with friends or relatives who are very sick (or fear they might be) is a challenge. What do you say to them? Do you try to cheer them up? Reassure them that things will be all right? Help them to see that they may grow even stronger through experiencing the illness? Should you ask them for details of their condition? Or just ignore the whole matter and act as if nothing serious has happened?
The most important thing to remember when someone you love is seriously ill is that THEY are the ones in pain (physical and/or emotional), and that your attention should be focused on what THEY need. "What could I do that would make you feel better?" is an excellent question to ask, although it may be a hard one for your friend or relative to answer (after all, most of us are taught not to burden others with our problems). It may surprise you to learn that, most often, what they need is simply someone to listen sympathetically, thereby sharing the burden of their suffering. Illness carries with it a whole gamut of feelings: fear, anger, disappointment, hopelessness, grief, perhaps guilt or even shame. Someone who can be a loving witness to all of these feelings usually will be greatly appreciated. If you're curious about details of their situation, ask them if they feel like talking about it, rather than proceeding with twenty questions.
What if you're NOT a particularly good listener, or you find the expression of deep emotions somewhat uncomfortable? A professional therapist is trained in precisely these areas, and may be of great help. But the contribution YOU can make is avoiding the mistake of ignoring the situation, glossing over or changing the subject. Few things in life disappoint more than when someone we love "isn't there for us" when we really need them. And there are few times in life when we need our loved ones more than when we're sick.
About Jim Weinstein...
Jim Weinstein, MBA, MFT, is a life consultant and therapist based in Washington, D.C., with a secondary practice in Beverly Hills, CA, specializing in career counseling, mid-life issues, spiritual counseling, gay and lesbian issues, and more.
Click Here to learn more about Jim Weinstein.
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