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What Can I Do About Caregiver Stress?
Being a family caregiver can be rewarding, challenging--and sometimes overwhelming. “Caregiver stress” is extremely common. The many round-the-clock physical and emotional demands of caring for an older family member--making sure you effectively handle all of the issues as they come up...being the one who’s responsible for finding and coordinating the needed resources...dealing with all the feelings that surface as you respond to daily caregiving-pressure--can end up taking a big toll on both your body and your mind.
Common Feelings Associated With Caregiving That Can Lead To Stress
Guilt
It is not uncommon for caregivers to feel guilty about what they should be doing or saying to better help their loved one; to feel guilty for wishing they didn’t have to assume so many caregiving responsibilities and put areas of their own life on hold; even to have feelings of guilt when considering getting outside “strangers” to help or contemplating nursing home placement.
Helplessness
As you see your loved one’s health and thinking processes deteriorate, your own feelings of helplessness to do anything to change the circumstances can compound.
Embarrassment
Your loved one’s declining health may present certain behavior that causes you to feel embarrassed—embarrassed for them, and embarrassed for you.
Anger
Feeling anger is a normal response to the many frustrations of caregiving: anger because sometimes even your best efforts don’t seem to be enough, anger because your loved one doesn’t seem appreciative or maybe doesn’t even recognize you, anger because it can seem that you are often the only one who’s wanting to help, and/or anger because you don’t know what to do and can’t change the circumstances of your loved one’s health.
How Does Stress Work?
The stress response is a natural chemical reaction that’s intended to help us adequately react to extreme situations. When you are faced with a demanding situation, stress hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol, send signals that increase heart rate, blood sugar, blood pressure and breathing rate to help your body get ready for action. Your brain goes on high alert and your immune system temporarily “shuts down” so that your body can give top priority to concentrating on the stress demand.
It’s not healthy to maintain this “high alert” level on a constant basis. Chronic stress (when the stress demand doesn’t go away and the stress hormones don't turn off) wear down the body systems and can even end up damaging your physical and emotional health. As your cholesterol and triglycerides stay elevated, blood pressure remains high, arteries stay constricted, and the blood flow to your heart continues to be decreased, your chances of heart disease are significantly greater. The risk of becoming increasingly susceptible to colds and other illnesses--even to more serious diseases, such as cancer—is higher because your immune system is suppressed. Chronic stress can impair memory and accelerate aging processes. And, because of the constant drain placed on your brain and nervous system, there’s also an increased likelihood of developing serious mental disorders such as depression.
Ten Warning Signs of Caregiver Stress
The warning signs of stress can sometimes be so subtle or insidious that they’re difficult to detect if you don’t know what to look for. Too often, as we deal with ongoing stressful situations, we tend to get so used to feeling constantly “stressed out” that we tend to ignore the warning signs of serious trouble brewing and grow to consider symptoms of stress as unavoidable, familiar and, sometimes, because of it’s predictability, almost comfortable.
The following ten warning signs can help you identify commonly experienced sources of caregiver stress:
- Anger--Your feelings of anger could be directed at your loved one whom you are caring for, or it could be your angry at other family members for not doing their fair share in helping you with the caregiver duties. Your anger could also be directed at yourself, for instance, you could feel self-directed anger because you’re feeling less than positive about how you’re handling your caregiving responsibilities.
- Denial--You may be imagining that the current situation is only temporary and that soon your loved one will get better and your life will go back to the way it was. It’s important to remember to take things one step at a time, one day at a time and know that your extra efforts are helping your loved one have a sense of well-being.
- Difficulty Sleeping--Although you feel tired, you may have difficulty sleeping--either falling asleep, staying asleep or even feeling the fatigue you know you should be feeling.
- Health Problems--Too often, caregivers are so focused on their loved one’s health they neglect to take care of themselves, e.g., eating properly, getting regular exercise, taking time for quiet relaxation. You may be feeling constantly feeling run down and/or suffering a seemingly never-ending series of colds.
- Irritability--You may find that you get upset easily and that your irritability quickly grows to large proportions. You may notice that you have very little “give and take” to your emotional reactions and that even the littlest things feel like major irritants.
- Social Withdrawal--You may notice that you avoid opportunities to be with family and friends, and prefer instead to keep to yourself and stick to a daily routine of caregiving duties.
- Loss of Concentration--You may be so immersed in your caregiving responsibilities--responding to all the many needs of your loved one , as well as worrying about all the “what ifs”--that you find it hard to concentrate, or to pay attention when it comes to other areas of your life.
- Constant Exhaustion--You may be overexerting yourself so much—emotionally and physically--that you feel constantly exhausted. This is particularly common in caregivers who “do it all on their own,” receiving little or no help from outside sources.
- Anxiety—You may become so worried about and focused on your loved one’s health, and how much responsibility you now have in making sure they are properly attended to, that you end up always feeling constantly anxious, as though something catastrophic is just about to happen at any moment.
- Depression--Depression is a serious (although very treatable) condition that will not just “go away” but will, instead, become progressively worse until you receive proper professional attention. Constant sadness, significant changes in eating and weight, and disturbed sleeping patterns are just some of the indications of depression. You can click here to learn more about what depression looks like and how it’s treated.
Getting The Help You Need
Your emotional and physical health depend on you caring for yourself. Just as you’re focused on attending to your loved one’s health needs, now, more than ever, you need to pay attention to your own well-being, too. Unchecked stress is the number one cause of "caregiver burnout." Therapy can help you develop coping skills, specific to your newly-assumed caregiving duties, for keeping stress levels from skyricketing out of control. More and more family caregivers are finding that therapy--even those who have never looked to professional mental-health help before in their lives--offers the kind of emotional support and chance to work through troubling issues that allows them to continue handling the myriad of daily demands while also maintaining an overall healthy emotional balance.
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